Tommy Wiseau wrote, directed, produced, executive produced and starred in this, the most piss-poor, amateurish, laughably bad film of the past decade. I heard about it due to its cult following on the internet, and all you need to know about it is contained in this YouTube clip:
By some incredible miracle Wiseau managed to raise $7 million of his own money to finance what is essentially a how-to guide in horrible filmmaking. He shot the film on 35mm and high-definition video simultaneously because he was confused about the differences between the two formats, but ignorance of the technical aspects of making a film were the least of his troubles.
The script is full of the most unnatural, stilted dialogue ever written, with characters matter-of-factly stating their thoughts, emotions and actions in every scene. On multiple occasions the two main male characters, Johnny (played by Tommy Wiseau) and Mark, re-affirm their status as best friends by literally saying "You're my best friend" to one another. Lisa, the main female character (who is engaged to Johnny and sleeping with Mark), succinctly recounts her situation daily to her mother, who inexplicably turns up at Lisa and Johnny's house every day and only stays for exactly the amount of time it takes to listen to her daughter explain her feelings. Lisa also at one point says to Mark, about Johnny: "he's your best friend".
Almost every line sounds like it was looped in post-production, and there are several occasions where a character will deliver a line without their mouth moving. Wiseau has some kind of vaguely eastern European accent which makes his lines almost unintelligible, and he has a habit of bursting into laughter at the most inappropriate times. His poor English probably explains the script's ridiculous dialogue:
Mark: How was work today?
Johnny: Oh, pretty good. We got a new client… at the bank. We make a lot of money.
Mark: What client?
Johnny: I can not tell you, it's confidential.
Mark: Oh come on. Why not?
Johnny: No I can't. Anyway, how is your sex life?
The most confusing aspect of the film is that plot points are introduced and then never re-visited, making it extremely difficult to follow what's actually happening. One line in the film is – and I'm not making this up – "I got the results from the test back; I definitely have breast cancer". That line, uttered non-chalantly by Lisa's mother, is the first, last and only mention of this seemingly life-changing revelation in the film and it is never addressed again. There's another scene with a tense showdown on the roof of their apartment building with a drug dealer (again, mostly unexplained and given no background at all) which is never mentioned again after its resolution.
Characters, too, walk into scenes out of nowhere, with no introduction or explanation for their presence in the scene, and deliver their hilariously ham-fisted lines of dialogue before completely disappearing from the movie. A psychologist friend of Johnny's (we know he's a psychologist because Johnny says "You're a psychologist") disappears after engaging in a game of football with the other main male characters. It's not explained why they happen to be wearing tuxedos at the time, and they stand about three metres from each other while throwing the football, but the psychologist somehow manages to trip over and is never heard from again.
(This particular disappearance is because that particular actor quit halfway through the production due to creative differences with Wiseau. The psychologist character is supposed to have some lines later in the film but they are instead given to another character, who walks into a scene with no introduction to speak the psychologist's lines before completely disappearing.)
Tommy Wiseau appears to have made an earnest attempt at high drama, but he's such an incompetent auteur that his message is completely lost amongst the woeful dialogue. That message, I think, is that women are evil witches.
Everything about the film is embarrassingly low-quality, but I have to say I had heaps of fun mocking it with Carmen. If I were to score it purely on its merits as a film, say in comparison to The Godfather or The Shawshank Redemption, I'd obviously have to give it a zero, but I can't deny that I genuinely enjoyed watching it and have been quoting it to my girlfriend ever since we saw it.
So I'll give it no stars, but strongly recommend that you watch it.
If you want to have a raucously fun evening, get some friends together for a screening. There are apparently midnight screenings happening all over the U.S. to cater to its growing cult following, and I've heard that Melbourne's own Cinema Nova is screening it soon as well.